So the door FINALLY closes ...

.... on something that should have been closed alooong time ago. Found out tonight that a certain someone was in a relationship this whole time and yet he kept telling me they were "just friends." I will admit that when I first heard the word "girlfriend", wait, let me re-phrase that -- when I read it in form of text message on my roommates phone [he wasn't replying to any of my messages], I admit that it did burn a bit. I did have a moment where I stopped and just wanted to let a tear fall down my cheek. *cue sad music*

But the more I thought about it, it's finally the closure that I needed. To realize "Ok - it's done with. Now I can move on to other things." What I don't understand is the fact that it was kept a secret and he would never tell me anything about it. Although I do understand that he doesn't have to fill me in either. I get that. But don't lie to me. And don't hide stuff like that from me and then get ticked off at me for talking to someone else that you don't approve of. Like really. Just be straight forward and be like "So I'm in a relationship now". Fine. I get that. Save me that heartache and wondering if we will always be in that gray area. I now know that your sweet lovey dovey comments mean nothing. I now know that you are treating me the EXACT same way you treat other girls you are trying to stop talking to. I now know that I don't have to keep wondering if one day you will realize how good we are for one another. And finally, I now know that I don't have to keep impressing you.

As upset as that all made me, I keep reminding myself that I don't regret something that once made me smile. We have been through alot together. We both know things that no one else knows. Having a friendship like that is awesome until you start burning that bridge one plank at a time. Yes you can rebuild that bridge but that fire will always be there in the background. So although all this stuff with him lasted a whole year, I really honestly wouldn't take it back for anything. I grew so much this past year with everything that happened with him. And same for him as well. I just hope that we will always have that tight friendship....

That brings me to another cycle that I have gotten used to and I hate it. Haha! EVERY guy that I have gotten close to -- to the point of dating and being together -- they either get back with their ex or all of a sudden they get a girlfriend out of the blue. Usually to some girl that I had no idea was even attracted to that person! Or that person has been taken from me. R.W passed away... D.S got back with his ex ... E.D is with his new girlfriend ... L.S got back with his ex ... C.P got a new girlfriend ... *UGH* It's like the cycle never stops. And it does get frustrating sometimes because it's like "What am I doing wrong?" But then God throws a pebble at me and is like "Listen chica, I know what I'm doing whether you like it or not." :)

So for now, I'm just having fun and not getting my hopes up too high with these other fellas I got my eye on and that I'm getting to know. Life is just about having fun and making the best of it. :)

Now that I'm done venting about boys and whatnot .. haha! First week of classes are over with for me. Love just having Tuesday/Thursday classes. Although, Thursdays are going to kick my butt. Class straight from 9:30 to 7pm with maybe an hour break in there somewhere. Oh well. I like being busy though. I've been going non-stop literally since Monday. My body is like "I want sleep!" :)

Please keep me in your prayers. I'm making some personal choices right now that have me in conflict and it just really sucks because they are issues that I've never really thought about or dealt with for a looooong time and I hate that it's coming back up again. I thought after 7 years it would end... apparently not.

Hope everyone has a great 3 days weekend!! :)

Much love!