So the door FINALLY closes ...

.... on something that should have been closed alooong time ago. Found out tonight that a certain someone was in a relationship this whole time and yet he kept telling me they were "just friends." I will admit that when I first heard the word "girlfriend", wait, let me re-phrase that -- when I read it in form of text message on my roommates phone [he wasn't replying to any of my messages], I admit that it did burn a bit. I did have a moment where I stopped and just wanted to let a tear fall down my cheek. *cue sad music*

But the more I thought about it, it's finally the closure that I needed. To realize "Ok - it's done with. Now I can move on to other things." What I don't understand is the fact that it was kept a secret and he would never tell me anything about it. Although I do understand that he doesn't have to fill me in either. I get that. But don't lie to me. And don't hide stuff like that from me and then get ticked off at me for talking to someone else that you don't approve of. Like really. Just be straight forward and be like "So I'm in a relationship now". Fine. I get that. Save me that heartache and wondering if we will always be in that gray area. I now know that your sweet lovey dovey comments mean nothing. I now know that you are treating me the EXACT same way you treat other girls you are trying to stop talking to. I now know that I don't have to keep wondering if one day you will realize how good we are for one another. And finally, I now know that I don't have to keep impressing you.

As upset as that all made me, I keep reminding myself that I don't regret something that once made me smile. We have been through alot together. We both know things that no one else knows. Having a friendship like that is awesome until you start burning that bridge one plank at a time. Yes you can rebuild that bridge but that fire will always be there in the background. So although all this stuff with him lasted a whole year, I really honestly wouldn't take it back for anything. I grew so much this past year with everything that happened with him. And same for him as well. I just hope that we will always have that tight friendship....

That brings me to another cycle that I have gotten used to and I hate it. Haha! EVERY guy that I have gotten close to -- to the point of dating and being together -- they either get back with their ex or all of a sudden they get a girlfriend out of the blue. Usually to some girl that I had no idea was even attracted to that person! Or that person has been taken from me. R.W passed away... D.S got back with his ex ... E.D is with his new girlfriend ... L.S got back with his ex ... C.P got a new girlfriend ... *UGH* It's like the cycle never stops. And it does get frustrating sometimes because it's like "What am I doing wrong?" But then God throws a pebble at me and is like "Listen chica, I know what I'm doing whether you like it or not." :)

So for now, I'm just having fun and not getting my hopes up too high with these other fellas I got my eye on and that I'm getting to know. Life is just about having fun and making the best of it. :)

Now that I'm done venting about boys and whatnot .. haha! First week of classes are over with for me. Love just having Tuesday/Thursday classes. Although, Thursdays are going to kick my butt. Class straight from 9:30 to 7pm with maybe an hour break in there somewhere. Oh well. I like being busy though. I've been going non-stop literally since Monday. My body is like "I want sleep!" :)

Please keep me in your prayers. I'm making some personal choices right now that have me in conflict and it just really sucks because they are issues that I've never really thought about or dealt with for a looooong time and I hate that it's coming back up again. I thought after 7 years it would end... apparently not.

Hope everyone has a great 3 days weekend!! :)

Much love!

Back to School .. Back to School

Oh how I heart Billy Madison...

So tomorrow is the first day of classes. I remember back in the day before college when the first day of school was a BIG deal. Having the perfect outfit picked out laying by the closet, knowing how my hair was going to look, wondering if anyone else was going to have the same new fashion, seeing friends again, wondering who was with who or who BROKE UP with who, etc. The first day of senior year was the most memorable. Feeling like the superiors. Pulling into our assigned parking spots right as the bell rang and just walking in with nothing because we knew that year was going to be the easiest as far as we were concerned.

I also remember the first day further back. Elementary days. The new lunch box with our favorite characters on the front. Or if we were cool enough, we got to eat in the cafeteria and BUY our lunch. Everything was new. Clothes, spirals, pens, crayons, water colors, rulers, glue ... *sigh* the days that use to be so simple. Sometimes I wish we could go back to those days but then I realize how much I love the present and wouldn't change it for anything. :)

Like I've said before, I have a feeling this semester will be FAN-TAB-ULOUS! :) Just this past 2 weeks alone have been great! So if that's a clue -- then that is awesome!!! I have recently realized that I have the most amazing "family" here at MSU. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in the world. I love being there for them and I know that if I ever needed anything that they are there for me as well. It's always nice to get that text or call asking if I am alright from something that I completely forgot had happened earlier in the day. Can't ask for anything better than that. They are the ones that keep me in smiles and remind me why life is so great!

I have found a new song that I have fallen in love with. Jordin Sparks "One Step @ a Time". Very catchy beat and really speaks to me right now. I love songs like that.

Another thing that makes me smile and chuckle is PostSecret. If you have not seen them, you are missing out. They make you see that sometimes people think the EXACT same way you do! haha! Scary thought though. Haha! :)

Well hope everyone else has a great first day of classes. If you aren't in school, have a great Monday! :)

Much love to all!!! :)

Ya know how they say things happen for a reason?

Life is just crazy sometimes with its chain of events. :) I'll emphasis in a bit.

Sooo glad it's the weekend! :) It's been nice to not set an alarm and just SLEEP! Katelyn moved some of her stuff in this morning! Can't wait til she moves ALL the way in! :) It's pretty much going to rock. But other than that, it's been nice to just chill. I'm house sitting for a friend so I went and played with her animals for bit. Did some laundry. Did some cleaning and more hanging of pictures in the apt. The living room is now filled with boxes again until Katelyn can get her key to the bedroom on Tuesday. So for now it's all in the living room and kitchen! HA!

So one more week until school starts! CRAZY! But I'm ready to get things started.

I think it's funny when you catch people in lies. It's even funnier when they find out certain things that they though you didn't know about. It's like they don't know people will tell me these things or that I won't find out MYSELF. It's like I'm not good enough for the truth. But after thinking about it all, it just makes me laugh because they are the one that is burning the bridge between us. Not me. I've always been there when they needed me. It's sad they don't see that. I think he's starting to realize that I'm not going to chilling on the back burner waiting for him to make up his mind.

Ok. Enough of that. :) Soooo the chain of events that have occurred in the past week have been ummm interesting! ha! Let's just say that it involved with this new guy, that has caught my eye, ending up at my doorstep the other night and that turning into a trip to Toby's for a couple of drinks. :) It's was a pretty awesome night. No lie. And it was so much fun! I was needing of those. It's been nice to realize that not all guys are jerks. There are some decent ones out there. I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I'm really enjoying getting to know this guy slowly. It's also been nice to not focus my attention on a certain someone else. So we'll see where this goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Haha! :)

P.S Thank goodness gas prices are starting to go down. For now at least.

I love life right now. I have amazing friends and family. :) Couldn't ask for anything better than that.

Hope everyone else has a great weekend! :)

Oh summer where have you gone?!

I can't believe that summer is practically gone. *sigh* Where did it go? It for sure didn't go the way I have it planned in my mind. But all in all, it still went alright. Thank goodness I have Spirit Days and awesome friends to keep me sane.. well kinda. I think I just went insane with them, therefore, making me feel sane. Makes sense in my mind.

School is right around the corner, which makes me happy actually. I am ready to get back into a busy routine. Figured our our work schedule and realized that when I'm not at work, I am in class and visa versa. I love that though. Means I will stay busy and stay out of trouble .. hopefully anyways. Haha! :) That's the goal anyways.

So finally got all unpacked in the new apt, WHICH I LOVE! I am loving the 2 bedroom place. The bedrooms are bigger and just feel like you have more private space! I can't wait til Katelyn finally moves in! It's gonna be so awesome! It's so nice to not deal with the drama of living with 3 other females. I just can't live with that many girls. Too much drama. Hence why I have more guy friends then gal pals. They just get on my nerves. Haha! I am sure some other girls will back me up on this issue.

So I realized something today that kinda made me open up my eyes just a tad. I was helping my best (guy) friend move today and being with him almost felt awkward. Which is a FIRST for us. I don't know if maybe it's cause we were both tired, me not feeling too hot, being late in the day, overcast in the sky, i mean who knows. Our hugs weren't awkward though. In my opinion, he gives the best hugs of any dude I know. He almost squeezed a tad too tight today. I think I felt a rib crack. Prolly should get that checked out. But anyhoo back to my story and the awkardness. So I was helping him move and we got all his remaining stuff into our 2 cars and went off to his new place. Being the big hearted person I am, I stayed and helped him unload his car as well. During all this, we had our usual convos "We need to hang out.. " "We both are so busy... " "I promise we'll go out and do something special ..." "I want to have your children..." Ya know, the usual. Well this is where it got a tad awkward. I was heading back to the apt and I didn't realize that he,too, was also coming back to campus. When we met at the stairs, there was this moment where you can tell that it was like "Umm ok, we just saw each other and talked. What do I say now" type moment. I've never had that kind of awkwardness with him before. Maybe that should tell me something. Hmm. I'm prolly reading into it too much [as I usually do about alot of things] but again alot of things could factor in why we were the way we were today. Cause earlier when he came over to check out the new apt, everything was like the old days. Who knows? So I figured that it's prolly best that he won't be living next door this Fall. Cause I have a feeling that nothing would get done! Haha! We have too much fun today just yelling from door to door and loud enough to hear each other through walls. *sigh* He's just one confusing fella and I'm just one easily confused gal. Maybe not seeing each other ALL THE TIME will help this semester. It's like we both said, that just means that when we do see each other, it'll be that much more special. I'm sure that sounds like BS to some of ya'll however, I like the way it sounds.

Random thing happened yesterday. I think I'm having a feelings for a friend that I thought I'd never have feelings for. I saw him for the first time in month yesterday and I actually turned into a giddy school girl. wow. So we'll see where that goes, if anywhere at all.

I have the most amazing friends in the world. Just gonna throw that out there. Because it's true. :)

P.S If you aren't/haven't read the Twilight series yet... You're TOTALLY missing out on loving a fictional character. :)

Why must we grow up so fast?

So as I was packing up my apt last night, I came across my high school yearbook from Senior year. Wow oh Wow. Brought back alot of memories. Some very good and some are ones that I wish I could just forget. Although now I'm (and most of my crew from high school) only 22, I sometimes feel like we am too young to do some things. I feel like some of us grow up waaaaaay to fast. I remember in high school how some of us would say "I want to go to college, travel the world, then get married, then have my white picket fence house with 2 kids." Now that I look at it, most of my girls that I rolled with in school are already at the 'white picket fence' stage. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them that they are happy. But what is the hurry to get married and settle down? I remember one of my gal-pals saying "If I find my husband in college, then I'm gonna get married and drop out." Sure enough. She met someone and she never returned. DUMMY! Seriously.

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But as I get ready to go home Friday for a friend's wedding, it just makes me a little sad. For one, it's a reminder that I am still single. Not always fun to go wedding single. I'm just saying. And two, it shows that we are growing up so fast. Alot of my gal pals feel like they are on a time line to get married. Most of them already have kids that are a couple of years old. Friends ask me if I feel lost that I'm not hitched, planning a wedding, etc. Honestly, I want to wait to get married til I've done what I WANT to do. I know that sounds selfish at first but hear [or read] me out. Aftter I graduate [which I feel like will be never... haha!] I would LOVE to live a year in NYC or Boston. Preferably in both. Give them each a try. How much fun!? Just so I can give the city life a try. I remember when I visited both of them, I just feel in LOVE with them. I felt like I was in a filming for the Cosby Show while in Boston. Ha! All this reminds me of a conversation I had with my best guy friend back in the day. We talked about each other's goals/dreams, what we want in life, etc., and we though the exact same when it came to this issue. We want to be able to get up and move without strings being attached. Both of us don't really want to get married like late 20's. We both feel like we have so much that we want to do first and as bad as this sounds, we don't want that extra luggage that makes us stop and think twice. Because what's to say that my significant other wants to move to Boston same goals/dreams as myself. Plus my BFFE always joke and say that I have to move to NYC so when he becomes a famous actor, he'll have somewhere to stay when her does promos. Ha! Priceless.

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On a happier note, I really am excited about going home on Friday night though for Kendra's wedding. It's going to be awesome for the fact that alot of my old crew have no idea that I'm coming into town. :) And plus I haven't seen alot of these people since graduation, which has been over 4 years. Holy cow. Be ready for pics next post. :)

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So I've discovered there is one quality of mine, that I love, however realized that it can get me in trouble. I have a huge heart and sometimes I can be too caring. I trust people to easily too. I've always been that way. My daddy is the exact same way. *sigh* This paragraph can be saved for a whole other post . Haha! But I did discover it can sometimes lead to hurt.

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Soooo I'm very excited to get moved into our new apt!!!! :) Although packing sucks like a Hoover vacuum. I'm almost done with my bedroom. All the stuff is off the walls and pretty much all of it's packed. It's kinda weird moving out after being in this apt for two years. :( Alot of memories in good 'ol 234! ;) Wouldn't trade them for anything though. But now it's time for more memories to be made in good 'ol 421 beginning this Fall. At first I was really sad that a certain someone wasn't gonna be living next door, but now that I look at it, it's prolly for the best. Like I always say, some things happen for a reason.

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So a quick recap of this weekend. It was a great weekend. Saturday was pretty much all day shopping. Got new shoes [Pumas actually] which I LOVE now, new shirts from NY&Company [2 for $12], more perfume from Victoria Secret [the Usher perfume is gonna have to wait til next pay day! haha!] But all in all it was a great weekend. Very relaxing. Sucks though cause my check is pretty much gone. Boo to that.

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Well that's pretty much all for now. It's already long enough. Hope everyone has a great week! :) P.S Reading stores like this always make me smile and remember that there are good people in this world. :)